Q: How do you play piggyback with Telly Savales? Positive reaction would prompt disbelief from Carnac, stating the ease at which he could make people laugh, such as "This audience would laugh at Dinah Shore backing into a meat thermometer." The Question: Name an elephant, a donkey, and a Rino. Get Image May your prize bull hate cows. A: Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious and detente. A: Old wives tale. CARNAC: May a crazed furniture refinisher stain your Return to Carnac the Vote Devining Consultant Page Q: What price will gas be if it's under a dollar? A: Sale of the Century. Line: 107 Q: Describe Mrs. Stillman on a bus that doesn't make rest , The Answer: Put It Back Like You Found It., The Question: What is the new campaign slogan for Republicans in 2022? May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your hope chest. There are more than 10 alternatives to Carnac for Mac, Windows, Linux and Xfce. Q: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his ANSWER: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises. ANSWER: Gatorade. A: Milk and honey. , The Question: Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were in Congress. his neck? Well, as it turns out, Parshas Balak starts off with this wicked king named Balak trying to get this wicked mystic named Bilaam to cast a curse upon the Jewish people. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. Another ancient Biblical curse that seems to have reverted back to normal is Noahs curse of his son Ham that his descendants (who lived in Africa) shall be slaves to the descendants of Shem and Japheth (who lived in Europe and Asia) - see Genesis 9:25 as slavery in the modern area has been virtually abolished, and even racial discrimination has been greatly diminished thanks to the Civil Rights movement. What do you look for when you're tracking three whackas? Q: What's good advice to give a Japanese tailor? -- Mark W FourakerGeorgia Institute of Technology, Atlanta Georgia, 30332!{akgua,allegra,amd,hplabs,ihnp4,seismo,ut-ngp}!gatech!gitpyr!grampa. lets have a big round of applause for Clarnac the Magnificent. Q: How do you tell a Sha not to do something? I remember two of his classic curses: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits! and May a diseased yak drop dead on your front lawn!. CARNAC: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your . More Quotes from Carnac the Magnificent show! In article <9@psivax.UUCP> a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: I remember some of these from some book or other on the joys of. A: Flyswatter. [8], Since the 1980s, Howard Stern has paid tribute to Carnac the Magnificent, with his own skit called Sternac the Improbable. Necessity dictates the insertion of an appropriate disclamatory proclamation into this section of this missive, both for assuredness of legality, and to satisfy my lust for bombast. Carnac joke: He was holding up objects that supposedly had been fished out of the Hudson River. A: Pussy Willow. A: Fit to be tied. Carnac was added to AlternativeTo by Gbeworld on Mar 16, 2013 and this page was last updated Oct 20, 2021. all positive negative relevance date. "Answer: Donald, Benji, and Alexis CarringtonRips open envelopeQuestion: Name a duck, mutt, and a ****.Karnak foresees the answer -- "Bobby Orr, Bobby Hull, Ed Sullivan. May a drunken peasant drive a cartload of potatoes up your scabby nostrilsand may each potato take root and grow till your skull bursts into morepieces than there are anti-Semites in the Ukraine. A: SAG Strike. Carnac the Magnificent: [Opening envelope] What's the first thing you do when you hold up a liquor store? Today, that number is 1 in nearly 50,000 in many Western countries! How to Curse in Yiddish} by Joe Singer.Some of my favorites: May you sweat in labor a hundred and sixty years, then give birth to anice turle-hedgehog-porcupine. May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bed pan. , The Question: What is the name the new Disney fat stripper movie. The Answer: Hes 97 and we dont know where the hell he is. And even people who dont work at all need not starve, as food banks and charities abound, and governments provide welfare. 5.0 out of 5 stars 2. Sacred Marvels: 17 Cathedrals That Will Take Your Breath Away, In This is seriously one of the best pranks ever! Unable to come to an agreement over alimony, God intervenes to help Adam and Eve divvy up their marital belongings. Q: Where won't you see Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor? The "Carnac the Magnificent" segments were always good for laughs, from the moment "Carnac" entered the studio and walked off in the wrong direction, then corrected himself only to trip on the step at the edge of the set at the beginning of every segment. "A triple and a double, catcher's and fielder's, and Dolly Parton""Name two big hits, two big mitts..and a famous country singer! plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. Q: Name an address Anita Bryant will never have. The Question: My grandpaw walked five miles a day when he was 60. Q: Describe the sound you make when you break loose from a The curse concept was created by "Tonight Show" head writer and Woody Allen collaborator Marshall Brickman. Mouse over chart for play descriptions. Johnny Carson Carnac GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY RMMD: And so the "Buck and Truck Cursed Swinger Saga" begins. In the ongoing sketch, Carnac would draw a sealed envelope from a mayonnaise jar, and hold it to his forehead. Line: 479 | Replica prop, Johnny carson, Johnny Explore Men's Fashion Men's Accessories Men's Hats Uploaded to Pinterest Johnny Carson Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. A: A broken water pipe, Telly Savalas and Chuck Barris. Q: Describe two people who like to cheat. A: England, France and Greece. A: The Sugarland Express. ED: I liked that but I seem to be the only one. Line: 24 All the funny items on this website are fictitious. May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. A: Touchback. In one instance, Carnac tripped and broke the desk! Box 4, Folder 46. A: Green thumb. A: The Rock of Gibralter. Hoffa. The Question: What are Kim Kardashians measurements? Amazon.com: Carnac The Magnificent It is entirely fictitious. Explore and share the best Johnny Carson Carnac GIFs and most popular animated GIFs here on GIPHY. Q: What holds up Oral Roberts' pants? , The Question: What do you call pedestrians trying to cross I-220? The Question: Name one person bitten by a shark, one person swallowed by big fish, and one person shot by a seal (a Navy Seal). The Question: What instructions do you get when your proctologist used to be a photographer? Signed, the Honorable John V. Lindsay, Mayor, New York City." As part of that same bit, he held up a clam with a note attached that Q: What do you say when it's Rose's turn at the bowling [1] Carnac the Magnificent In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as "Carnac the Magnificent." Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the. Q: Name a spud, a stud and a dud. Q: Name the father of Mrs. Olsen's illegitamate baby. Quotes by Carnac The Magnificent - The Quotation Station Price and other details may vary based on product size and color. Q: What did Sonny Bono used to be? The Question: What did Rodneys doctor tell him when he asked for a second opinion? . a #2 mayonnaise Pinside Pinball Top 100 Rating comments | Pinside Top 100 A: Jaws 2 and Capricorn One. ", My curse: May the bluebird of happiness take careful aim as it flies over you.-- Dave Montuori (Dr.ZRFQ) UUCP: !decvax!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!damUVa CS dept, C'ville, Va. CSNET: dam@virginia, "May Allah blow sand in your Preparation H.". As Allen acknowledged in his bookThe Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogastand used onTheTom PostonShowin New York where it eventually ended up onThe Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Bob and Steve. knows the contents of these envelopes, but you, in your divine and borderline mystical way will ascertain the questions having never before seen the answers. Johnny Carson "Carnak The Magnificent" One Liners | The Spoof Q: What did Yul Givens give after eating a prune tree? Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches Click here to be a writer! Related Topics. Q: Name two rams and a goat. I used a couple of small binder clips to make it snugger so it would not fall off. Reviewed in the United States on April 2, 2015. The Question: What is the name of Trumps new Vodka? Q: How does a stupid person spell "backgammon"? Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? [+6] - George - 11/14/2011 Answer: A goober, a cruller, and OmSigDavid. "University of Waterloo - ancient Chinese curse. May a carsick camel moisten your Egg McMuffin. Q: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? It is original material for the most part. The Answer: Big Ben, Dak Prescott, and a politicians campaign promises. A: All the President's men. Q: What are the only things that can move on Sundays? A: Rub-a-dub-dub. Images tagged "johnny carson". A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. , The Question: Why didnt Mrs. Franklin have any kids? CARNAC: May an unclean yak have an accident on your toupee. Q: What do you need after Hamburger Helper? . Q: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. The Great Carnac! (hat-making Tutorial & Video of Skit) 596 views, 2 upvotes, 1 comment. The Answer: No more years! Q: Name two countries and a luncheon special at the NBC View all. , Ed: I hold in my and the last envelop. A: Mount Baldy. Q: Who will they find sooner than Jimmy Hoffa? Q: What do you call getting slapped around by a German king? , The Question: How do you say Fauci in Mandarin? when is a felony traffic stop done; saskatchewan ghost towns near saskatoon; affitti brevi periodi napoli vomero; general motors intrinsic value; nah shon hyland house fire Oh, I forgot! Q: What does President Carter say to Billy on Air Force Our users have written 2 comments and reviews about Carnac, and it has gotten 25 likes. What Johnny Carson can teach us about the modern mainstream media So we see that as we get closer and closer to the Messianic Era when the world will go back to a perfected state, curses are reverting all around us just as the Vilna Gaon predicted. Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. Dont break the concentration of the mystic from the East, or he will place a curse on you! -- -------------------------------------------------------------"they forcibly extracted the word 'but' from his vocabulary, and locked him in a room with 10 economists"-------------------------------------------------------------. Q: Who won't be let out to see the picture? A: Shake-N-Bake. Q: Name a focal that goes both ways. -- Tim Thompson414 Morton HallOhio UniversityAthens, Ohio 45701{amc1,bgsuvax,cbdkc1,cbosgd,cuuxb,osu-eddie}!oucs!tim. The Question: What do you call a guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary? Q: How do you introduce your cat to a weeping willow? A: Head and shoulders. ", "It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God--but to create him.". The Question: Name three famous puppets. The Answer: Dr. Ben Casey, Dr. James Kildaire, Dr. Doogie Howser, Dr. Marcus Welby, Granny Moses (Beverly Hills) and Dr. Anthony Fauci. A: Skalliwags. Clarnac: (Glares at Ed) Clarnac is supposed to be the funny guy. The Question: Whats the name of Bidens black, female affirmative action nominee to the Supreme Court? Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. A: Chariots of the Gods. Q: On a cold morning what forms on your david? KeyCastr. May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. , The Question: What is Bill OReillys latest book in his Killing Series? Q: What was dat hippie smoking? , The Question: Who is the biggest conservative in the Republican Party? Food is produced in abundance with machines that allow just a few people to operate massive farms with ease. . Carson would place each envelope against his forehead and predict the answer, such as Gatorade. A: Dustin Hoffman. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_harry_book.php The Question: What does Stacy Abrams call Tuesday? Carnac The Magnificent: Now The Answers To 2011s Unknown Questions which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. "May your finger get stuck in your nose, and the nail continue to grow", (I have forgotten the origin of this one). Feel free to laugh, but beware! Size: One SizeColor: Jumbo Gold/Purple Verified Purchase. No more years! Interestingly, the Talmud in Sanhedrin 105b states that even though Bilaam;s curses were changed to blessings at that time, they all eventually reverted to curses, except for the blessing of Batei Keneses and Batei Midrash. shorts. Q: What does Zsa Zsa Gabor call the center of a church? CARNAC: May a carsick mongoose change the color of your So I created my own character, CLARNAC the Magnificent and created my own material as a tribute and for my own amusement. Browse more quotes by famous person's name. Q: Name three people who sell a lot of junk. Q: What will you get if you ignore a trucker's blockade? Actually, I have to admit reading it in the book "Superman: Last Son ofKrypton" (which is [very] loosely based on the movie) in which Lex Luthor(responding to the question "You told me your second favorite pastime.What's first?") Q: Who ruined that darn rug? A: Grape Nuts. Prime Video. In this memorable skit, Carson and Betty White stripped down to their skivvies to reenact the divorce proceedings for humanitys first couple. A: Planter's Punch. May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. Jokes would also be topical; for instance, "Over 105 in Los Angeles" (presumably referring to the temperature) instead led to "Under the Reagan plan, how old would you have to be to collect Social Security?" Q: When should you plan on making a rest stop at a gas However, it was his allusion to the old college cheer that gained him the loudest and longest laugh of the night. A: Around the world in 80 days. If a joke (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience (such as "May your favorite daughter be featured in NFL Films' Sack of the Week", "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your jacuzzi", "May you walk a mile under a diseased camel", "May a demented deer lock horns with your daughter's Kawasaki", "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person seated next to me, and may his arms be too short to scratch", "May a diseased camel be sick on your prayer rug", or "May your proctologist be a frustrated concert trombonist"). questions having never Clarnac: This crowd was applaud for a train wreck. A: Rough cut. Carnac the Magnificent - Wikipedia "[7] Songwriter Neal Merritt used the Carnac Saver as his primary inspiration for a song with a similar insult as a title, "May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose," a hit for Little Jimmy Dickens. Carnac the Magnificent: Three Dog Night & Mount Baldy on - YouTube One of the most memorable audience insults came after the Philadelphia 76ers swept the Los Angeles Lakers in the finals to win the 1983 NBA Championship, when Carnac retorted, "May Dr. J slam dunk your cat." The Question: Describe the U.S. economy under the Obiden administration. No more years! A: High rollers. Hand made. , The Question: How do you spell lahgahbahtahqua? A: Pat and Debby Boone. ", Jan Elliott AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel, NJ .hounx!jansz. https://www.torchweb.org, Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston, Please Patronize Our Calendar Advertisers - Full Listing. seats. In article <42@kestrel.ARPA> t@kestrel.ARPA writes: > Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. A: Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. A: Disjoint. carnac the magnificent curses The entire studio erupts in hysterical laughter] Q: What do call the clone of a guy named Cy? The Answer: They found no brain activity. These curses were always absurd, and many of them involved yaks, as in: "May an unclean yak sit on your dinner." "May a sick yak leave a gift in your sock drawer." "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your . Carnac the Magnificent - Unionpedia, the concept map A: The CIA. "How you must dread going to bed!" exclaimed Cynic. A: Cheetah, Leon Spinks and the American taxpayer. Q: What is a mother of 27 children? Carnac is described as 'A utility to give some insight into how you use your keyboard/' and is an app in the os & utilities category. The segment included several running gags. Carson quickly revealed his personal bowl of potato chips hidden strategically behind the desk and Myrtles shock turned into uncomfortable laughter. ), The Question: Who is the largest conservative in the Republican Party? grenade? (Ben Dover) , The Question: What is Richard Schwartz fee if he collects for you? The character was introduced in 1964. A: Tail of Two Cities. Q: What does a president look for in a singles bar? Q: Describe Raymond Burr's undershorts. The curses were basically middle eastern curses and would not be considered politically correct today. A: "Breaking Away" and "Here's Boomer." Explanation of WPA. Clarnac: May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. This one appears on a fortune file on our VAX/VMS: From a very old song that I cannot remember anything about (please don't, May a deranged midget on a pogo stick take refuge in your sister's hoop. eyes? . Q: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. Another that I heard last night on the syndicated "Carson's Comedy Classics": "May the Swami of Baghdad squat on your fez", "May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister! His reign on NBC's Tonight show lasted just a few months short of . . Pretending to psychically concentrate, Carnac periodically asked for "complete silence" from the audience, and McMahon would retort that he often got it.[6]. A: 13 Queens Boulevard. bathroom? Q: What does a masseuse do to your dub-dub? May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. A: Sissss, Boooom, Baaaaah! CARNAC: May a weird holy man light a Roman candle in your A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo. The crowd is hostile. The Answer: Sam Quint, Jonah, and Osama Bin Laden. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show. Q: What does the Jolly Green Giant use to hitchike with? QUESTION: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? Check the NSFW checkbox to enable not-safe-for-work images. Q: Name the only three things you can afford to eat Q: What noise do sheep make when they laugh? Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php [applause]. Q: What do you get from eating in the NBC Commissary? A: The American people. A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo. The character was introduced in 1964. May a sick ox make bubbles in your hot tub. A: "Gung Ho!" Browse more quotes by famous person's name. A: A nine foot base with two feet of powder. I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. The Answer: Dumbo, Eeyour, and Mitt Romney. , The Question: How did Marie Osmond lose 50 pounds with NutriSystem? I forgot aboutyour total recall. Q: What do you call getting hit with a fistfull of peanuts. In fact, had Bilaam been successful in his attempt to curse us, the Jewish people would have been destroyed, G-d forbid. (Original post) Gladys Knight and the Pips. Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your Carnac held each envelope to his forehead while "divining" the answer, then tore open the end of the envelope and loudly blew into it before removing the index card with the question. Price starting at $87.97 for basic 5,000 sq. Q. Q: What do you call it when old topless dancers refuse to Q: How did Marlon Perkins explain the rash on his thigh? Maybe someday we'll have a cannonical list.-- Al Schwartz Pacesetter Systems, Inc., Sylmar, CAUUCP: {ttidca|ihnp4|sdcrdcf|quad1|nrcvax|bellcore|logico}!psivax!alARPA: ttidca!psivax!a@rand-unix.arpa. Pat McCormickwrote some of the zaniest Carnac material. "Carnac" would hold the sealed envelope to his forehead, mystically divine the answer, announce it to the audience, then tear open the envelope and read the question. Unfortunately, as I age but my clients don't, more and more of them . Johnny Carson fans: Do you have a favorite "Carnac The Magnificent" joke? Hilarious Carnac the Magnificent Puns - Punstoppable The Question: Name two people who always seem to be called to a place where they make a lot more money. , The Question: What is the female version of Viagra? Zippo? The Answer: Become a professional politician. The best alternative is Screenkey, which is both free and Open Source.Other great apps like Carnac are Key'n'Stroke , KeyCastr, KeyPress OSD and Mousepos. Q: What does it say on the side of Phyllis Diller's dress? One? One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. As Carnac, Carson wore a large feathered turban and a cape. A: "I never promised you a rose garden." Q: What kind of holly would you find growing on your buddy? Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. A: Rosy red cheeks. Q: Who are the candidates for mayor of Los Angeles? Discover and Share the best GIFs on Tenor. "Knickerbocker"Q. Q: What was the final score of the Jaws-Capricorn game? A: Kaiser wrap. Q: Name two words that have no meaning. seen them before. Q: Name a jewel, a tool and a fool. this year? (Wait for it! A: Peter Pan. The Question: Where did Jen Psaki go when she resigned as Obidens Press Secretary? dee? . Sunday, 16 December 2018. kaleido? . A: 2001. A: Keep your eyes on your prize. May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. The funny story above is a satire or parody. , The Question: What is the longest sentence in the world? Here's how it played out on air. carnac the magnificent curses A: Henry R. Block. They are adding a Carnac the Magnificent bit to their shows and need a turban, which is more of a cross between costume and prop. Q: What would you find in Superman's bathroom? I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. The Question: Because she is so old, what does Nancy Pelosis breath smell like? So how does this connect to the weekly Torah portion, you ask? If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. (In one episode, technicians rigged Carsons desk to fall apart when Carnac fell into it. Q: How many football games were televised over My question to you net.joke-sters out there: What is the funniest "ComedicCurse" you have heard? Q: What do you call a French drink made with champagne and The Question: Name three things in New York that may run forever. A: Jello and "Charlie's Angels." Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Q: Where does the line go outside an unemployment office? Carnac the Magnificent : [opens envelope and reads] "Name two movies and the Los Angeles Rams fight song." Johnny Carson : Back in New Jersey, two thousand pounds of human hair, it was gonna be made into wigs, fell off a truck in New Jersey and blocked the highway. A: Madame Kitty. Thanksgiving? Quotes by Carnac The Magnificent - Page 2 - TheQuotation Station Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. CARNAC: May a weird holy man use a Black and Decker tool on Q: How does Howard Cosell call his toupee? A: "Coming home." After displaying a chip that looked like a pear, Myrtle turned away just long enough for Carson to crunch down on one of her priceless potato creationsor so it seemed.