My other daughter moved out recently into a flat-share with some friends. I thought you might like it because of x,y, and z. I had and to some extent probably still have some self-esteem issues that stemmed from my dads iffy parenting. But I would say that Dad needs to try not to do the whole disparaging remarks thing. Dad was self-centered and pretty vain. I didnt read an us vs. him vibe at all. It can be tough sometimes, and obviously a lot funner to be the friend than the parent. The Substitute Wife: My Poor Husband is a Billionaire LWs daughter should definitely be involved with some enriching activities, but theres no harm at all in loving media. You also need to encourage your husband to be respectful of his daughters interests. You are actually the only other person not from Scranton that has known what the show was! July 2, 2013, 11:03 am, I think what needs to be addressed here is the the primary relationship in a familythe marriage. Tell them in detail what you like about them. July 2, 2013, 12:57 pm. Or find something neutral. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. Having them spend time alone will foster at least appreciation for each others interests and give them bonding time alone to build the relationship and find common ground now that your daughter is growing up. Now Im just boring because Im too repetitive. Anyway, we had to go visit one of his aunts who was dying in the hospital, and my dad admitted to me that he didnt WANT to go and said he was dreading it (which was not something hed normally say to me), but that sometimes you have to do stuff you dont want to do. One of my faves is when they all de-evolve into more primitive forms and Worf-monster hunts Picard around the ship. I dont care if he thinks her shows are boring his wife and daughter deserve respect. bittergaymark Its full of teen girls going crazy for Star Trek. I think theres something to be said for being well-rounded. I know you said you dont want to hear about counseling and your problem isnt communication, but really? The daughter will then learn to respond in similar (asking others about their hobbies, showing genuine interest, accepting of differing hobbies). It seems way more acceptable to be a nut for sports but if you watch Buffy? No. lets_be_honest Others see him as a bully and a hole. It sounds like this dad is a bit of a jerk, who when he introduces something and she isnt into it makes fun of her. bittergaymark I loved how proud and impressed he was when I got the answer right, or parroted back some of his trivia. Your Family Doesn't Want To See You Together. I am a much better, well adjusted adult because he did this instead of pretending to like whatever show I was watching at the time. Its not cool that Dad is rolling his eyes at his daughters interests and hobbies. bittergaymark July 2, 2013, 12:43 pm, Shes 12 at what age are you supposed to be more able to enjoy mindless pop culture!?! If LWs husband is making LWs daughter think that shes less of an awesome person for not having the skills he wants her to have, instead of saying these skills will make her a more awesome person, than thats probably the main reason shes pulling away. Ask the dentist: Why can some people not cope with the word 'fat'? My teenage kids are miserable & he treats them like they are toddlers. So, encourage her to spend time with him. This sounds a lot like my childhood! My dad probably had no interest in my piano recitals or spelling bees, but he sure knew how to act like they were the most important things in the world to him. lets_be_honest But it can get super boring waiting for that to happen. Did he take me out to Madonna concerts and listen to me babble on endlessly about her latest video. Yeah, I think its going to be hard for her to get her husband to listen to her parent to parent if hes already being alienated. Wed do something hed want to do (touring a waste water treatment plant seriously), and then wed do something I wanted to do a couple weeks later (he took me to see Rent when I was 13!). I think dad is being a bully. TV Review: Hitler diaries show fake news didn't begin with the internet, Notorious prisoner Charles Bronson to face public parole hearing, Big Issue seller numbers up due to cost-of-living pressures, says founder, Watch for the April 5 investment tax change, Preparing for a future sale of your business, Tom Allen is Completely committed to comedy and 'Auntie Glo', Weekend Q&A: ran Clarke from NI Opera's Nobody/Somebody, Mary Kelly: Unionists' tendency to turn a gift horse into a tin of dogmeat is legendary - and their Westminster chums are getting fed-up with it. A: There are two things to consider here. "If your family don't want to see both of you . bittergaymark (I highly recommend looking into how to cook with your fish encased in salt, something magical happens.). Asshole My son had his wedding days ago. AITA for saying my husband's ex is interfering? Here are a few things you can do to try and improve the relationship between them: Its not uncommon for daughters to want their parents to divorce. The Substitute Wife: My Poor Husband is a Billionaire novel Chapter 89 Take Them All Away . Crazy-makers often give up the love they most desperately need when they feel any sense of an obligatory payback. So theres no harm in him humoring her while it lasts (& for gods sake, letting her play a couple One Direction songs or whatever in the car). Im guessing the teen might be into the more recent iterations of Star Trek, the latest movies to come out of that franchise. Im sure its frustrating for him, I just think hes reacting in a jerk-ish way. ! And they were kind of blas, like, Oh, we didnt? TONS of teenagers are interested in Buffy, Firefly, and (new) Star Trek. Other times, it may be something more complicated, such as unresolved feelings of jealousy or resentment. Often, in their own backgrounds, they have seen a too-good-to-be-true martyred parent in a devoted relationship with a partner who would not acknowledge their caring. Not from Scranton either! Wendys relationship with her parents as a young girl feels ridiculously close with my relationship with my parents. Their mind is broken, causing them to seriously overestimate their driving abilities. Seriously though, Joss Whedon writes amazing TV his shows are some of the best the medium has to offer. Educational trivia game, reading articles and discussing them together or in a game format. Settlers of Catan! FIONA SAYS: Gently and with tact, though she's still likely to be upset. Expect my son to mediate a dispute between my daughter-in-law and myself. July 2, 2013, 11:57 am. He just can't grasp the cost of a wedding. We cant watch anything on TV or listen to anything in the car related to her interests while hes around, and if we are talking about something he will sometimes break in and tell us to stop because it annoys him. I love all things Hitchcock now, and not because she brainwashed me if she had her way, Id also love The Three Stooges and The Twilight Zone, and Im not nearly as crazy about those. Give up some of your precious one-on-one time with your daughter so that your husband can take her hiking or camping or to a science museum. I dont think theres anything wrong with taking a child camping who doesnt necessarily like it that much. You can look at him as a mean bully, like you do, or an involved father who is trying to raise a well rounded child. If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com. Required fields are marked *. Agreed. Lastly, I'm so excited to share my Ask Erin Self-Care Guide . What To Do When Your Partner and Daughter Dont Get Along? And my dad is so crazy into going to my games Walter said he was yelling his head off at the last one. Make it easier for him to be his best self. And that is kind of ok out of respect, if he hands me the remote, I put on things hed like, not what i like. Grow up, already. But everyone needs to learn to laugh at themselves if they accidentally trip and spagetti plops on their head, when they are home surrounded by loved ones (and the oppurtunity to change clothing). My family was big on card games and board games, but my dad didnt participate much, which bummed me out. July 2, 2013, 11:08 am. If the issue is raised during a child custody . I grew up with a dad who I had a lot in common with. My daughter and I are a lot like you and yours. Its awesome to have your children engaged in the world (government, politics, history, etc). Im just saying that indicates very little to me. Oh, how fun for all three of you to just sit around endlessly for hours while the dvd player spins Buffy endlessly And then, next, comes Angel! Either the Dads behavior is bad enough that she needs to draw a line and tell him to stop with the eye-rolling and turning off the TV for no good reason; or it isnt and she needs to prioritize her marriage and get back to being team parent. Maybe even consider making those things, like hiking or whatever, family events, so that its not a choice between a fun thing with mom and a thing she doesnt like as much with dad. (Kept me sane), Astronomer I promise, the daughter will remember and cherish the efforts. I cant think of a single interest that we shared from when I was a teenager that I didnt learn from him in some way. He would watch Full House or something with us. No. There are many things I love about my husband. July 2, 2013, 11:50 am. July 2, 2013, 12:02 pm, Obviously, but thats just because youre wrong and not because of the certain, lasting trauma it will cause for lil. Youve talked about this over and over and your husband still interrupts your conversations because they annoy him? Before the 12 year was born. If he constantly puts her down she will not like him and she will not respect him because she knows that he has no respect for her. July 2, 2013, 3:39 pm, A parent should NEVER make fun of their child.. The idea that you want your husband to now turn into what YOU probably secretly have always wanted him to be a fellow fanboy! For one mother, this nightmare is a reality, as her husbands behavior is pushing her daughter away. I get that maybe he feels like an alien within you & daughters girl bubble, but the way to fix that is not to strong-arm her into liking National Geographic. That said, its important to try to resolve the conflict constructively. Huge difference one is laughing with you, one is laughing at you and I think when your daughter is 12 and you are having trouble getting along that it is on the adult/father to go the extra mile and make sure that you arent being a jackass in an effort to be humorous. Generally, Ive found that geeky fandoms have more respect for and interest in learning than, say, those who follow the Kardashians would. oh, wait - his father wanted nothing to do with him for years. You and your husband are partners and your job is to guide your daughter lovingly into adulthood, giving her all the tools you can to be independent, strong, and self-assured. He is also very critical of both of US I was so bad at the sports I was enrolled in that I would cry and beg not to go back, because I was the worst and everyone let me know it. It makes them feel safe. Im still mad at my parents for allowing me to grow up without listening to Led Zeppelin. Exactly Lily! MAY THEY DIE IN LOTS OF FIRES. Theyll sacrifice a perfect moment of tenderness if they feel there is the possibility of a reciprocal expectation lurking behind the scenes. Seriously, though I obviously realize the error of my ways now My point being that while my dad exposed me to things that interested him, he also jumped feet first into things that interested me and NEVER EVER made me feel silly or stupid because I was a 12 year old who liked things that other 12 year olds did. My mother attended maybe a handful of my softball games in the 10 years I played competitively. Cool! LW, I think encouraging your daughter to spend time with her dad is so important. They loved it, I hated it. Thats still not OK. But my parents both made an effort to do lots of family things together, even if my brother and I didnt want to. I hated being around my father because it was constant criticism about my interests, which frankly, felt very personal because I was deficient for not being what he wanted. Lastly, he should NEVER tell his daughter that things she likes annoy him. Yes. And I dont think that tv shows a mature, intelligent adult would watch necessarily means they are good shows to watch. July 2, 2013, 12:45 pm. lets_be_honest And with Netflix and Hulu and all that jazz, getting all caught up on Buffy and Firefly and Star Trek and other shows that are ancient history with most of todays teens, is not all that hard. I was in bed, asleep. Shes doing archery and piano, Id say thats enriching. And my fingers are still crossed for you , kerrycontrary My comment obviously wasnt clear. Have you read Tumblr recently? I was shocked that a father is rolling his eyes and telling his daughter that her interests annoy him. We try to make it fun and do it as a family (not go to your room and read 3 Nat Geo articles and I want a full report) and often make games of it. But, of course, that would require HIM to take an interest in something his daughter likes in order to find that common ground. Liquid Luck I mean ever. I completely agree with you on Buffy. And hed be more likely to help her find an actual interest, not just an ability to tolerate. But I also honestly think that the husband/dad might not be such a jerk face if he wasnt 100% put on the back burner. I was closer to my mom, and even closer with my friends in the neighborhood. I see his point to some extent. She has to do something she doesnt like from time to time. But in college I fell in love with art history and now I actually take days off work to go visit art museums! When they are able to see the. Once they believe that true love need not be obligatory and that intimacy is not automatically correlated with entrapment, they are often eager to learn new ways to make their needs and fears knownand let love in. Express your love and offer your help as opportunities arise. If your daughter has seen how much pain and suffering can come from being in an unhappy marriage, she may not want to put herself through the same thing later on down the road. Plus, I like Rick Castle. This year I took her to the Botanical Gardens not my first choice of activities, but it was a nice day and the gardens are pretty. Remember, your relationship with your spouse should come first. So sad. It makes me very depressed that the new Star Trek movies are so popular when the brilliance of DS9 and TNG are all but forgotten amongst our youth . (Okay, okay, I am projecting here, but again, I had way too many friends who were all way to into Buffy back in the day. I think your daughter will be too, if you listen to Wendy. Theres got to be at least one thing that the two of them have in common. You wouldnt even ask that of an adult; why do you expect a kid to be okay with it? How easy it must be to cultivate a close relationship and enjoy time together when you both like the same stuff! Middle schoolers and initially, I tried to explain the history of the Salem witch trials as well as McCarthyism before we read the play. FIONA SAYS: It's never too late to change patterns so long as he's willing. I grew up with my dad frequently clipping newspaper articles he wanted us to read, and instigating family learning moments around the table. And aside from all the other suggestions people have made, like neutral activities such as mini golf and ice cream, what about a trade? Finally, try to create opportunities for one-on-one time between your husband and daughter. Manchester United bidders move to the next stage of takeover process', Remo Freuler admits Everton's visit is biggest game of season for Forest. Keeping your cool under stress, responding as calmly as you can, and walking away when you find yourself unable to keep calm are completely within your power and help you claim the power in your home. Are you on Tumblr? Look, I had a great relationship with my dad. And yeh I hated going to home depot with my dad but I know a lot more about home maintenance than some people. I thought that was actually really funny. Can Humans Detect Text by AI Chatbot GPT? You didnt cause the problem, and you cant fix it. Maybe they have communicated about this many times, but obviously there havent been any results yet! I see it as a dad getting short changed and mom monopolizing time with daughter. Your email address will not be published. Thanks temp! I think the bottom line is that she is twelve- all of her interests could change in a year or two. July 2, 2013, 12:04 pm, If shes expected to learn to take an interest in HIS hobbies, its fair that the same be expected of him every so often.. We still dont have a great relationship, mostly because he is an authoritarian asshole in a lot of other ways, but if he wasnt such a bully and tried to meet my sister and I halfway, we probably wouldnt hate him as much as we do. Sometimes it can be a simple matter of communication, or a lack thereof. "My Husband's Pushing My Daughter Away" - Dear Wendy Then wed throw it back and go back to just hanging out. Its important to remember that it is not always your fault if your partner and child dont get along. I think she may even already suspect this otherwise why ask you to approach him on her behalf? They clearly saw that parent as the good guy, and are unconsciously playing out the same part, unable to stop giving even when it cannot be reciprocated. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,600],'therelationshipnotes_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_9',134,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');Ultimately, its up to you whether or not you want to stay in a relationship with someone who doesnt get along with your child. In fact, according to a recent study, nearly one in four people say they would encourage their parents to get a divorce if they were unhappy in their marriage. Be happy that your daughter has a father who wants to be involved in her life. Like my sister loves Elvis, because my parents use to always listen to the Elvis hour on Sundays on the local oldies station, I didnt like Elvis then, so choose not to listen to it, I put my walkman on with Metallica, and Red Hot Chilli Peppers in it. He rolls his eyes not at her accomplishments, but her timewasters A rather big difference. And, yes, you ARE being greedy, because as much as your daughter may genuinely enjoy your time together pursuing interests you both share, she is missing out on a relationship with her dad and all the things he can teach her through his interests. Go to a murder mystery night and talk about Sherlock. Should A Parent Love Their Child More Than Their Spouse? Definitely! One of these people is an adult and one of these people is twelve. temperance I think the good sign is that LWs daughters interests tend towards the geeky. As a counterpoint, I loved all the things my dad liked and he tried to do things I liked. Hopefully she'll see the sense in this and be able to move on. The comments seem to be about split on this issue. I intervene and quieten things down when I can, but it's not easy and I am at the point of wondering whether it's all worth the effort. Particularly this, Help her see the best side of her dad, even if hes sometimes making it difficult. And that if he continues to do so, he risks damaging these relationships still further. Really not sure why I waited so long. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Blow out the torches! I reminded him that he likes sex better in the morning and he called me frigid and slept on the couch. July 2, 2013, 12:33 pm, Finding out the music my parents listened to opened up my eyes to who they used to be.